We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
