no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
