It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
