he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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