Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
