how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
