guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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