This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
