I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
