So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize