I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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