Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
