I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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