The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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