dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
