I'm eating all of the evidence.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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