I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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