you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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