so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
