I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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