break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
