I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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