i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize