just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you had me at cake vodka
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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