What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Holy sore nipples Batman
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
