We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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