If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
