You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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