This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
