ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
