My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
