so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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