Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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