can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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