it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
