She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
