Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
