I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
