You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
