SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
