I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You've changed since you got that strap on
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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