There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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