I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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