Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
