Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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