after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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