yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I cannot find my penis.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
