i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
