so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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