her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
