I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
