You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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