who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
