its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
