Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
