3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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