I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
