So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
