i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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