u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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