STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
