True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
we're so committed to being not committed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
