She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
