So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
