I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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