i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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